this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
