he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
