I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
