I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
