she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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