You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
