Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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