6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
