I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
