My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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