Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
