Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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