ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
