the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
