Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
