There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
