Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
