he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
