Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
