Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
