somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
