There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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