If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
