at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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