I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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