can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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