So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
