took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can't just leave with hair like that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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