I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
