He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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