I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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