I can text with my tongue
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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