So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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