Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
