Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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