whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
