Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
