He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
