There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
