I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
