Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
