i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
