3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
