I don't usually arrange sex via text message
only if we run a train.
done.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
