i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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