Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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