the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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