alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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