things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
