we're chasing vodka with high fives
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
