i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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