just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to calm my uterus...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
