??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
