i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you never un-have a 4some
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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