I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
