I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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